I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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