I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
