i already hear my dad disowning me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
