Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
