one might say we're banned from that church
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
