I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
