my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize