Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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