At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
3pm strippers are depressing
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
