Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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