It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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