Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize