just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
