ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
