First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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