Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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