the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
