i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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