White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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