You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
