The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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