I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
