I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
