"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
