Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
