If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
