my vag is so smooth its legendary
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
In America we eat man semen.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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