theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
