lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
