I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
