As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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