Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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