I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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