you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
