Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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