THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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