I wish my penis had an off switch
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
