went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize