Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
