i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
