Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
