At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
