The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
