he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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