when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
