Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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