Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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