I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
