There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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