I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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