He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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