Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
