your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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