I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
