i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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