I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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