Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
