He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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