I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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