did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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