Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
