New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
