there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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