Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No subtext here. People are naked.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
