Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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