ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
