you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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