pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize