Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
