How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
