if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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