I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
