how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
