Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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